I spent last week alternating between shedding rivers of tears and shoulder shaking sobs to laughing out loud at memories and telling stories of my mother.
Mom had been my rock all my life…and now she’s gone.
And I hurt!
When my brother called and told me Mom was is very sick, pain grabbed my stomach and squeezed. And it hurt.
Each ragged breath was a struggle to gather enough air to ask the next question. Its answer often jabbed at my heart, as I doubted I could make the twelve-hour drive in time.
I didn’t. And that hurt.
But it is the lessons in life, and in my case death, that teach us so much. Someday, I will be able to take all those physical pains triggered by the emotional stress and convey them to my readers.
I write deep personality, so I try to put my readers in the mind of my characters. And in their bodies through visceral description. So the next time one of my characters is gut punched with bad news, I’ll be able to write from my personal experiences of the last week.
I’ll miss Mom every day, but I’ll take her love of her children, her patience with me, and transform it into a wonderful character…someday. Today though, it hurts too much.