If my life were a reality show, Food Disasters would be the title. My specialty is making things go wrong. Generally, I screw up the usual things—leaving garlic bread in the oven until it’s black, forgetting a pan of milk on the stove until it turns a weird yellow color and the bottom of the pan is beyond cleaning, leaving eggs boiling for so long that all the water dries up. Most of those oops moments happen because I’m writing or editing or setting up (ah-hem) blog posts. I lose track of time and forget I have something going on in the kitchen.
But not all my disasters end up charred. A couple months ago, I thought I had a lovely dish of salmon cooking in the oven. When I went to take it out, I discovered I had a lovely dish of raw salmon sitting on the counter. This, of course, happened on a day when we needed to eat and run off to evening activities.
I can even manage to mess up my favorites. You can read here about my adventures in accidentally substituting watermelon-flavored candies instead of peppermints on candy cane cookies one unforgettable Christmas.
A month ago, I took my food disaster ability to a new level. We were having a party—big enough where we had to rent a room in a public building. We could bring food in, but there were no kitchen facilities available. Folks, I was insanely organized. I scooped out the stores. I made spreadsheets and pages of plans. I checked out serving amounts and made sure I had enough food for 100 people. I certainly did. I had so much that I overflowed my aluminum trays.
Let me tell you, Italian beef smells really good the day you spill it in your minivan. It doesn’t even smell too bad the next morning. But then the car sits out in the hot sun, and that delicious gravy seeps through the carpeting in your trunk and settles in for the long, smelly haul.
After a month, two rounds of steam cleaning, an extra-large box of baking soda, a jug of vinegar, and “fresh linen” scented vent-clips haven’t made a dent in the nasty smell. I pleaded on Facebook for ideas. The only one I haven’t tried is the suggestion to trade the car in. I’m headed out in a few minutes to try a third round of steam cleaning, and after that, I believe the next plan might be to embrace the stench, love the stench.
In happier news, The Bad Boy’s Gift is still free on all e-retailers. Pick up your copy today and enjoy. Hopefully, the bad boy’s gift to me will be a new Italian-beef-free car. Hey, a girl’s got to have her fantasies!!