Who doesn’t love those ‘favorite this, favorite that’ posts on Facebook? Who doesn’t get sucked into answering all those pointless questions, then halfway through wonder, WTF am I wasting so much time on this again? And then keeps going to the end anyway before gleefully tapping, “Post!”
Yeah, all of us. And so I bring you… one of those posts:
Favorite smell: The bathroom when I’m the first person awake in the morning. Trust me, you do not want to walk in there after my husband has performed his morning ritual…
First job: Waitress. Seriously, is there any other answer to this one?
Dream Job: That lady draped across the couch, being fed bonbons and not gaining a single pound. In fact, I think she’s losing weight. Stupid bitch. I hate her. I’d never want to be her. Okay, then, I guess my dream job is: author.
Favorite dog breed: Wait, seriously? The makers of this poll expect me to pick just one? WTF do they think they are? How can you possibly? I mean, look at those adorable faces, those wagging tails, those wet noses, those puppy-dog eyes. And don’t get me started on cats…
Favorite Foot Attire: Flip-flops. I got nothing funny for this one. Flip-flops just straight up rock. Sometimes I wish I lived in a place like Hawaii so I could wear them all year long. Okay, there are a whole slew of other reasons I wished I lived in Hawaii, and they have nothing to do with foot attire.
Favorite candy: Sour Patch Kids. No, Cadbury Creme Eggs. OMG, those things are to die for. It’s a good thing they are only available for like two months a year. Otherwise, crack dealers would give up their drug of choice because they could make a killing hawking this stuff. Or is that just me? Because legit, the guy in the white panel van with no windows could lure me in using those little chocolate eggs with the strangely egg-like yet decadent as fuck creamy center.
Favorite pie: Blueberry. No, cherry. No, pumpkin. No, strawberry. No….
Favorite cake: Carrot. Also, the kind that doesn’t count toward my daily calorie allotment. That exists, right?
Favorite food: Didn’t we already cover this? Cadbury Cream Eggs. Duh.
Favorite thing to hear: Waves crashing on the beach. Also, “I’VE READ ALL YOUR BOOKS AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, WHEN ARE YOU WRITING THE NEXT ONE??”
Color of eyes: Wait a minute. This is one of those abrupt scene shifts that throws off the entire story. Is this asking my favorite color of eyes? (Ian Somerhalder) Or is it asking what are the color of my eyes? (Blue-green) Because that’s not exactly a “favorite” question, so therefore doesn’t work in this random and pointless and addictive poll. Just sayin’….
Favorite holiday: The one on which I don’t have to work at the day job and also don’t have any obligation to do anything with the family, so I can spend my day writing. What do you mean, that doesn’t exist?
Night or Day person: I’d say I’m a coffee and wine person.
Favorite day of the week: Whatever day allows me to get in some sweet-ass writing time.
Tattoos: Is this a trick question?
Like to Cook? I like to eat. Does that count?
Can you drive a manual transmission: I’m pretty confident I could turn this question into something dirty. If I wanted to.
Skate backwards: You mean like at the skating rink, during middle school? Duh.
Favorite color: Blue. Sorry, I got nothing for this one. Blue is legit my favorite color.
Favorite vegetable: Food.
Glasses or contacts: Whatever he prefers to wear, so long as he isn’t wearing a shirt. Wait, you’re saying that wasn’t relevant to the question? Why not?
Favorite season: I like… no, no, that won’t work. It’s this… no, that isn’t right. Let’s go with… nope, not that. Okay, fine, summer!
Tami Lund: award winning–and sometimes silly–romance author. Check out her website here: http://tamilund.com/